


If I Could Be Who you wanted

by Breakerofchainz



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dark Jon, Dubious Consent, F/M, First Time, Georgian Period, Jealousy, Jon Snow is a Targaryen, Possessive Behavior, they are not related
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2018-12-05 02:19:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11568282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breakerofchainz/pseuds/Breakerofchainz
Summary: Sansa is in love with the charming Harry Hardyng but someone creates a web of lies to tear them apart.  Devestated and pressured by her ambitious mother Sansa marries the rich and powerful Jon Targaryen instead.In which Sansa just wants to find true love and Jon is a hopeless romantic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a Spanish soap from when I was a kid.
> 
> In this chapter Jon and Sansa get married and there is only one way a wedding day can end ;)

Sansa stark turned to her father for strength as she prepared to walk down the isle on her wedding day. It was a day she had dreamed of ever since she was a little girl and though she had little part in the planning, everything was perfect from her lace trimmed gown to the copious peonies that adorned the sept and filled it with their lovely fragrance and every other little detail in between. Even the aging chandeliers had been replaced by newer more luminous ones that gave off a romantic glow.

Sensing her hesitation her father turned to her placing his hand gently on her cheek and smiled then the pair started down the isle. Except instead of the love of her life it was another man that she saw waiting at the altar.

Harry Hardyng was the only man Sansa would ever love. He was young and brave a soldier eager to serve. He proved himself to be honest and kind so she believed him when he made the most beautiful promises to her. He had the education and manners of a gentleman though he lacked a prestigious last name and the fortune that came with it.

So they had kept their love affair a secret at his insistence, just until he could make a name for himself and be able to offer her a life as she was used to. She made it clear to him it was of no importance to her that he had no fortune. But she wasn't so naive that she thought it wouldn't matter to everyone else, so she had agreed to keep their secret.

Then her entire world had gone up in flames when her smothering mother had found a letter from Harry. Furious her mother had accused her of trying to finish off her poor ill father. Sansa tried arguing that her father would be understanding and supportive of Harry when he meet him and saw what a good man he was.

At that Catlyn Stark had sarcastically laughed and called Sansa naive before confessing to her that they were penniless and it was the grief of losing everything that had her father strapped to his bed dying of shame.

First chance she had Sansa went to meet with Harry to tell him they had been discovered by her mother. It turned out Harry had bad news of his own war was looming and his company had been called away to a town north of Winterfell Yet it wasn't all bad news; he had promised to be back soon and to speak to her father to formally ask for her hand in marriage upon his return and Sansa promised she would be waiting faithfully.

Within days of Harry's departure a pretty young woman with a small baby on her hip had shown up at the Stark house demanding Sansa stay away from her husband Harold Hardying. She cried and pleaded but Sansa refused to believe her even when she tried to drag her from the house to show her proof of her claims.

Harry would never be capable of such atrocities. Yet a doubt had been planted in her mind and Sansa could not be at peace so she left against her mother's wishes, on the two day trip to the town where Harry's last letter came from, if she was lucky he might still be there. When she arrived she thanked the gods for Harry's company was still stationed in the small town and now he could tell her himself that it was all a lie. But when she asked the captain of the company he coldly informed her that Harry had deserted and if he should be found the punishment was death.

It didn't make any sense to her, why would he do that, it was so unlike him. It had to be a misunderstanding it had to be. The days passed without any news from Harry and Sansa grew desolate deciding it must of been true; that woman really was his wife and he had disappeared once he new he had been exposed.

Now here she was still heartbroken and about to get married to a man she barely knew. She had saved herself for so long; waiting for true love. All the girls her age had already married long ago and had kids even. And here she was no different from them after all getting married for convenience.

She looked at Jon and thought she was luckier than most he was young and very handsome unlike Jeyne Poole's much older husband Walder Frey or Myrcella Baratheon's husband too big to leave his bed.

Jon was new in town, just passing by really. His father had passed away and left him a vast fortune. Amongst his new assets was an estate in Winterfell and now he had come to make sure all was in order.

Sansa met the broody young man dressed all in black at a ball held by the Baratheons but had not given him any thought. It was before everything had fallen apart, Harry and their future together was the only thing on her mind in those days.

Soon after Harry's disappearance Jon had started coming around frequently.  It was at her mother's insistence Sansa was sure of it.

For months Jon courted her coming by often to visit.  Sometimes he would bring her flowers, others sweets or on a few occasions books whatever it was he never showed up empty handed. He was shy but sweet always asking her questions wanting to know everything about her. Sansa's answers were always short and to the point and she never asked him about himself. How could she when all she could do was think about Harry and how much she missed him despite what he had done to her; how he had ruined her.

Yet she continued to see Jon because if Harry was off with another woman then she would pay him in kind. Sansa never thought it would go beyond their quiet walks together until one day during one of those very walks he proposed.  

"I know we haven't known each other long but" Jon paused and looked down at his feet while summoning the courage to continue "but if you let me I will dedicate my life to making you happy. Will you marry me Sansa?"

Sansa had been caught off guard and felt stupid for not knowing this was the only thing their time spent together could lead to.

"If you don't mind I would like to take some time to think it over" she said nervously squeezing her hands together. He had immediately insisted she take her time.

That night her mother came to see her as she was getting ready for bed.

"How did it go with Lord Targaryen  this afternoon"?

"Fine."

"And?"

"Clearly you already know."

"Your father told me. Of course he asked your father's blessing before proposing. He's a gentleman Sansa, not like that lowlife you nearly disgraced this family with."

"What did father say?"

"You know him. He said the decision was yours to make that he would not influence you one way or the other. But he's very pleased, I'm sure you can tell he quite likes Jon.  What was your response?"

"I told him I would like some time to think about it. But ive already decided."

Her mother had stopped in her tracks to hear her more clearly.

"I can't marry him."

At that her mother had lost all control and composure crying out "Sansa Stark have you lost your mind. This man is god sent; he's young and handsome, and he comes from a good family. You'll never receive a better proposal especially if word were to get out of your transgressions with that nobody."

"And that's precisely why I can't marry him. He deserves someone who will love him, not me I'm ruined, Ill never know love again. I know too well the pain of being deceived and I cannot do that to him."

To which her mom had then responded

"Oh please! What will it take for you to grow up? To see the world for what it really is? Get your head out of the clouds with your romantic fantasies. You will marry him Sansa, you have no say in the matter for he has paid off our debts. You know our situation why do you think the collectors haven't come to drag us out of this house! So when you give him your answer it will be yes."

Questions flooded Sansa's shocked mind "how did you? Father would never."

"No you father is too proud to make necessary decisions. I made the arrangement with Lord Targaryen without your father's knowledge and then I simply told him I had managed another extension for our loans."

Once again Sansa felt stupid and naive for not knowing the obvious. Harry Hardyng said he loved her but he was married to another woman. Now Jon Targaryen claimed to love her yet he thought of her as property to be bought and sold. No wonder he had proposed so soon he knew she would be compelled to accept.

To Sansa it felt like it was time to extinguish that nagging hope that love would conquer all and she could be with Harry after all. She knew she should hate him for what he did to her, but she couldn't she loved him too deeply.

She came to the realization that she was destined for a loveless life. It no longer mattered to her whom she married. Jon Targaryen had given her the impression that he wanted a true marriage built on love and trust, so she was ready to decline his proposal so that he may have the chance to be with someone who could love him. Knowing she had been bought and paid for released her of the guilt she felt at the thought of depriving him of a loving wife.

Besides she may never know the love of a man again but she still had love for her father. And she didn't want to worry him anymore and nothing would give him more peace of mind than seeing his daughter married off.

Sansa accepted Jon's proposal on a rainy day as they sat in the gazebo of her home's garden. The sky was dark with thick grey clouds and the rain poured down in thick sheets around them.

"I've made my decision" she declared. Jon turned his full attention to her and seemed to be holding his breath looking at her with pleading eyes.

"Yes" she simply said and looked away.

Jon took two big strides and stood before her taking her hands in his. "You make me the happiest man alive" he let out before pulling her into him for a long kiss on the lips.

She didn't think she could ever enjoy anyone else's kisses after Harry but she was surprised to find Jon's kiss quite pleasant his full lips were gentle yet eager and when it was over she was almost disappointed.

From there things had moved along quickly at her mother's behest. Surely she didn't want to risk either of them backing out.

So now the day was here and Sansa was making her way slowly to the man she would share her life with.

The ceremony went by too fast it felt to Sansa and now they had transferred the party back to the Stark house where the celebration was taking place.

The newlyweds made the rounds greeting and thanking their guests. They were all her mother's guests really, with the exception of Samwell Tarly whom Jon introduced as his good friend.

Sansa was glad to finally have a moment to herself with her one true friend Jeyne Poole whom had pulled her aside to tell her how lucky she was for finding such a handsome husband.  Sansa was blushing from her friends talk of the wedding night when a maid came to deliver a small note.

"Who's it from" Jeyne asked

Sansa read quietly then let out a loud gasp as she leaned on the wall for support.

"Sansa you look like you've seen a ghost!"

"It's from Harry.  He's here he wants to see me."

Sansa had trusted Jeyne with everything that had happened to her so naturally Jeyne's response was to curse Harry for having the nerve to show his face again.

Heart pounding Sansa started to walk out. 

"Sansa where are you going you're  not actually going to see him are you?"

"Yes I am. I need to know Jeyne.  I need to know why he made me believe he loved me, why he lied to me I need to hear it from him." Sansa said desperately picking up the pace.

Jene hurried ahead of her to block her way. "Sansa listen to me this is a big mistake. Forget him, he's not worth it you're a married woman now and you've been blessed with a wonderful husband Sansa, please!"

But Sansa's mind was made up and she was tired of being told how lucky she was when she felt quite the opposite. "Oh yes he's so good that he paid of my family's debts in exchange for a wife." With that she pushed past her friend heading towards the garden.  

The gazebo came into sight and she felt her legs nearly buckle beneath her as she finally laid eyes on the man she thought she would never see again.  
  
After all the days she had spent wishing to see him even if it was for the last time so she could say all the things that she wanted to, and ask the questions that haunted her, here he finally was and she couldn't think of anything to say.

So they stood there staring at each other for a long time. He seemed weary in his tattered clothes and an unfamiliar beard that was growing in.

Finally the heavy silence was broken by Harry's voice as he spoke up "you're getting married?"

"I'm already married" she stated as cooly as she could.

"How could you? Why?"

"I'm the one owed an explanation. You're the one who lied to me. You're married! Don't even try to deny it you're own wife came to tell me so! With your son she showed up at my home to tell me so."

"My wife? What are you talking about I have no wife!"

"There's no point in denying it! I went to look for you at Last Hearth and the captain of your regiment said you had abandoned the company. You left because you knew she came to speak to me. You knew I would come looking for answers. You used me as a distraction!"  And then the sobs came making her entire body shake.

"Look at me Sansa, look at me" Harry said lifting her chin. "You know me. I would never lie to you. I have no wife or child I swear it. I have no idea who that woman who showed up to your house is, but I'm sure she was sent by the same people who had me falsely incarcerated for the last 6 months."

She knew immediately that he spoke the truth. It was true she did know him better than she knew anyone else and he was telling the truth. And the truth was terrifying it almost left her in a worse position than she was before. someone had planned the incarceration of her beloved and then paid an impostor to pretend to be his wife. Only someone very rich and powerful could be capable of such an elaborate scheme someone like her new husband it dawned on her.

Sansa threw herself into Harry's arms still sobbing.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I ever doubted you I should of known."

He held her tight "it's not your fault you're a victim in this too. They did their best to tear us apart, but our bond is unbreakable. We can't let them come between us Sansa I love you, I can't be with out you. The last six months I've been locked up, starved and beaten in effort to keep me away from you but the first chance I got I escaped to come find you. I refuse to lose you.  I don't care that you're  married you're still mine just as I am yours."

"What can we do?"

"Go away with me, somewhere far where no one will know who we are. Will you come with me Sansa?"

She knew her answer immediately even if she delayed to speak it out loud.

"Yes I'll go away with you. I'll meet you by the sept in an hour."

"No! We must leave now, this second."

"I'll be easier to spot in this gown. I'll go change and then I'll meet you at the sept."

"Fine but if you're not there in an hour I'm coming to find you!"  Harry said before kissing her good bye.

Sansa rushed back to her room to change into her travel clothes. She felt like she would burst with mixed emotions. She was happy Harry was back and her's again, sad about what he had suffered, and angry at what had been done to the two of them. She had a hard time believing Jon would be capable of such a plot, but if not him then who.

She had already discarded her wedding gown and was donning her simplest of dresses when her husband burst through the door slamming it behind him. He was breathing hard and there was an undeniable tremble in his voice.

"What do you think you are doing" he shouted at her.

"I'm just changing into something more comfortable" Sansa answered as calmly as she could.

"Don't lie to me" he roared grabbing her by the arms. "You have a lover and you plan to leave with him, Sam saw you at the gazebo making plans together."

"It's true I admit it I'm in love with another man and I'm leaving with him and you can't stop me" Sansa replied  mustering all the courage she had.

Jon's eyes went wide and his expression was one so hurt that Sansa couldn't help but regret the harshness of her words and when she spoke again her words dripped with sorrow.

"We've committed a terrible mistake. We should of never married, but we can get an annulment and all of the money you've given my family I don't know how but I'll find a way to pay you back every last cent."

Then the sorrow in his eyes was replaced with such a fury for the first time she found herself frightened by him.

"So you knew all along? And all this time I thought you were just shy, innocent. What a fool I've been! Believing you could love me, thinking myself the luckiest man in the world."  The way he spoke made Sansa unsure if he was talking to her or himself.

He then turned away from her and there was only silence and Sansa's sobs in the room. After a few minutes he finally turned to address her once again "if you're finished here I would like to leave now" he said sounding more composed than she thought possible given the circumstances.

"You're leaving" Sansa asked confused.

"Yes I'm leaving and you're coming with me" he said grabbing hold of her once again. "You are my wife, I gave you my last name where I go you go."

"No, please" she began to beg.

"I paid off your family's debts, I saved your father from the shame of living out his days off of other's charity" Jon barked at her their faces so close she could feel his breath on her when he spoke. "Regardless of if you sold yourself or if you were sold by your family, you've been bought and paid for. You belong to me now. We leave immediately. Don't you dare go looking for that man because if you do I swear to you I will kill him."

Having said that, Jon stormed out of her room and she collapsed to the floor crying out to the gods if they were ever listening why she cried why is life so unfair! She was trapped without a hope in the world. If she left with Harry he would never be safe with her. there was no doubt in her heart Jon would keep his promise to find him and kill him. And what would happen to her poor father if he found out any of this, his heart would not be able to take it.

Left with no options Sansa composed herself the best she could to say her goodbyes to her parents. She could tell her father was suspicious of their sudden urge to leave when the plan had been to stay in Winterfell a couple of weeks before the honeymoon. It was heartbreaking saying goodbye to him. Saying goodbye to her mother was much easier.

She looked out the window of the coach watching the town where she had spent every day of her life go by.

It was just her and Jon riding in silence the only occasional sound being Sansa's sobs.

Hours later without bothering to look up at her Jon spoke. 

"Why did you marry me?"

"Because I had no choice" she answered curtly.  "Where are we going?"

"Dragonstone."

"It's very late, will we be stopping at an inn."

"No. Why do you want to?"

"Well I'm very tired and I just thought we would stop to rest."

"Then we'll stop."

It wasn't long before they reached an inn where they could rest for the night. They entered and were greeted by an ancient looking man.

"Come in, come in" he said "what can i do for you on this loveliest of evenings?"

"We would like a room please" Jon answered the old man.

"Two rooms" Sansa corrected. 

Jon turned to give her a hard look before repeating after her "two rooms please and dinner."

"I'm not hungry, if you'll just show me to my room please."  And a young boy came from behind the counter to carry her overnight bag and lead her up to her room.

Jon took a seat at an empty table to await his dinner. Hours later his dinner sat cold and untouched before him. Only the wine had been finished off. He laughed at the absurdity of his life here he was on his wedding night getting drunk alone. While his precious wife was up in her room crying for another man and the thought of that provoked such rage in him it made his hands shake.

Finally he headed up the stairs to retreat to his room and at least stretch out his body even if he knew his mind would not get any rest.

The same young boy walked him up to his room, pointing out Sansa's room as they passed it, it was next to his. My wife he thought bitterly my beautiful wife. And before he could even think it through he found himself walking through her door.

She was in bed but not asleep. He could hardly see her in the dim room only lit by a few candles but he could see that her eyes were swollen from crying. Crying for her lover he knew and that knowledge sent an all consuming searing pain that cut deep in his heart and soul and drove him to what happened next.

Startled Sansa was now sitting up in the bed pulling the blankets up to her shoulders.

"Do you need something my Lord" she asked the intruder.

The way she hid herself from him and the formal title she used to address him as if he were some vile stranger stirred his rage and pain.

He said nothing in response just started to unbutton his coat.

Seeing him begin to undress she pulled the sheets up to her chin and said shakily "You don't actually intend to,,"

But Jon cut her off to say "we both know you're not the pure innocent girl you pretend to be. By now you must have noticed that I want you."

"Please" she began "I can't right now."

"I can" Jon said now undressed from the waist up.

"Please try to understand my current state of mind" she implored. 

"Have you tried to understand mine" Jon countered.

Sansa remained silent as she watched the very well toned young man remove his belt.  

"I'm very attracted to you Sansa I've wanted you from the first time I saw you."

"But I don't love you" she exclaimed.

Still he proceeded to remove his pants and then to say: "I don't care. I married you so that I could have you."

Sansa tried to get up out of the bed but before she could he had joined her and was hovering above her. She tried to look away but he turned her face towards him.

"Look at me" he hissed "I want you to know it's me in your bed! Me and not him!"

A tear rolled down Sansa's cheek "how could you be so cruel" she whispered.

"No more than you.  If only you knew the pain you've caused me how much you've hurt me."

"Please spare me this humiliation" she said quietly becoming very aware of his hand making contact with the skin on her shoulder and the way he looked at her lips.

When he finally leaned in to kiss her it was so soft and gentle the complete opposite of what she expected.

He continued his gentle kisses down the column of her neck to her collar bone. For the first time in what seemed like forever her mind was silent and she only focused on him and how it felt when he touched her.

She was so aware of how his hands felt on her, and the strange new sensation that was building between her legs.

By the time he pressed his member at her entrance she was aching for what was next. She had not moved an inch the entire time letting him take control and do as he wished. But now he seemed hesitant, and so for the first time she moved to wrap her arms around him at once he began to let himself in slowly. At first it had been uncomfortable feeling so stretched out but with every thrust it became less so. Sansa had the feeling it would of been pleasurable even, had he not finished and stilled so soon.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and for sharing your thoughts!  
> For those of you familiar with Amor Real (btw pleasantly surprised at how many of you are), there will be some differences in this story. I hope you continue to enjoy.

Once finished Jon had half dressed himself and left without a word. The bed had felt so cold and lonely to Sansa after he left, but a deep sleep quickly found and released her of the self loathing thoughts that were beginning to form in her mind.

In the morning when she came down from her room she found her husband sitting alone at a table drinking coffee. He had not seen her yet, and so she was at leisure to study his pensive face. Those lips which had sent shivers down her back when they caressed her skin, and his hair which she had so badly wanted to sink her fingers into.

She shook her head to shake the thoughts out of her mind and continued on her way out to the coach without stopping to acknowledge her husband.

Jon heard her steps and stood to follow her. The coach was ready and they took off promptly once settled. For hours they rode in silence.

Sansa couldn't stop thinking of her well sculpted husband and how good the weight of his body felt on hers. She hated herself for her carnal desires. What kind of depraved, soulless monster enjoys coupling with a man while loving another. She shouldn't be wondering if he's thinking about it too. She should feel disgust and hate for him not this unnerving curiosity.

The ride stretched for hours before Jon broke the silence "there's a town coming up soon, where we can stop to eat."

"I'm not hungry" Sansa spat out angrily.

Jon who had been sitting across from her leaned in closely to address her "don't forget that I'm the one who's offended here, so instead of this attitude you should be begging for my forgiveness."

"I tried to tell you we should have this marriage annulled" she replied defiantly.

"And how would your family pay me back?"

"My father would find a way."

"Your father would die of shame knowing how low his wife stooped and that his precious little girl isn't as pure as she would have everyone believe."

She slapped him hard across the face in response to that comment almost instantly the red welts began to surface on his cheek, and almost as quickly she regretted her impulse and wished to kiss the very cheek she had struck. Instead she broke down crying and begging "please let me go home, you got what you wanted, now please let me go home."

There was a darkness in his eyes and voice that gave her goosebumps as he wrapped his hand around her neck to pull her in closer and say "my dear wife, you are either very naive or very bold to think one night with you is worth all the money I've spent."

Instantly she felt the heat rising to her cheeks as she held back the tears in her eyes, the tip of her nose beginning to sting from the effort. She pulled out of his grasp and turned away from him hoping to hide the pain he had inflicted on her.

Regretful of his words he lowered his eyes to his hands "why did you marry me? You had so many opportunities to cancel! Do you think I would of married you had I known you love another? I married you because I thought you felt something for me too!"

"I never claimed to love you."

"But you never denied it either! Your mother had me convinced that you were just shy, that you liked me! But it turns out you never had anything to say because you were too busy thinking of him! The entire time you were with me you were thinking of him! Why did you do this to me"?

"Please let me go home, we can never have a normal marriage not after everything we've been through." 

"You think I'm just going to let you go run back to him?!" He roared.

"I won't I promise, I'll never see him again, I promise."

"You also swore before the gods to love me for the rest of your life."

"Please what can I do so you'll let me go? What do you want from me?"

Without an answer for her, Jon looked away and Sansa retreated back into her lonely thoughts.    
  
The sun was setting by the time they arrived in Dragonstone. It was the largest house Sansa had ever seen. And when the carriage came to a stop there were two women there waiting to greet them.

She studied the two women, one was much older with alert eyes. The other was younger, younger than Sansa herself even. She had long brown hair with seductive brown eyes and luscious lips that remained in a fixed smirk.  

"Margaery this is my wife Sansa, Margaery is the previous administrator's daughter" he introduced the two. She knew immediately upon meeting the coquettish young woman that she should not be trusted and the wizened old lady whom Jon introduced as Margaery's grandmother even less so. When Margaery tried to exchange pleasantries, Sansa had cut her off to order the nearest servant take her to her room, leaving Margaery and her grandmother Olenna aghast.

As she made her way to her room lead by a young maid Sansa couldn't help but notice the disappointing state of the house. The walls were mostly bare and the furniture scarce and outdated. The master bedroom turned out to be on the second level of the house. It had tall double doors and when she stepped through, it took her breath away with it's beauty. The first thing she saw was the large canopied bed made of rosewood. All the other furniture was also exquisitely crafted from rosewood and there was a sitting area with two chairs. Across the room from the bed was a very large fireplace so beautiful she found herself sighing deeply.

"Is there anything else I can do for you my lady?" Asked the young maid.

"What is your name?"

"Shea my lady."

"Thank you Shea that will be all" Sansa said in dismissal.

That night she denied her husband's request for her to join him for dinner. Instead she paced around the room dreading when he would come to bed. Eventually she realized he wasn't coming to bed, or at least not her bed.  The thought of her husband with Margaery was humiliating.

After a restless night she decided she would go down and join her husband for breakfast, if only to see what he had to say about his absence the previous night.

She was surprised to be the first one at the table, Jon didn't strike her as the type of man to sleep in, then again he might of had a very long strenuous night she thought clenching her teeth.

When Shea appeared to serve breakfast, Sansa asked her if her husband would be coming to join her.

"Oh, he left for Blackwater Bay early this morning, my lady" Shea replied.  

Frustrated and embarrassed that the maid knew more of her husband's whereabouts than her she asked "when will he be back?"

"I'm afraid he didn't leave word my lady. Perhaps lady Margaery knows."

"I've decided I'm not very hungry thank you" Sansa said getting up from the table.

"Oh please my lady you must eat something, Lord Targaryen himself asked me to make sure you were well cared for and eating your meals."

Sansa didn't care about Jon's requests. Why should she? Instead she took off to explore her new home. After getting acquainted with the ball room, the library and the kitchen she headed outside.

Outside the garden looked to be undergoing a big renovation. Outlines had been made for new pathways and the fountains remained without water.

She had just stumbled upon some newly planted winter roses when Shea came up to her. "Aren't they beautiful? Lord Targaryen wanted the garden to be ready for when you arrived, we weren't expecting you so soon."

As a lady of high society Sansa could tell with certainty when someone was fishing for gossip. But desperate for answers herself and feeling that Shea seemed trustworthy enough she answered the question with a question of her own.

"Where did my husband sleep last night?"

"He had his luggage brought up to his old room my lady."

Somewhat relieved Sansa simply smiled at her and requested luncheon be served on the veranda.

Jon didn't come home that night or on the second or even the third night. His absence had her a nervous wreck. She told herself it was because of the boredom or even the uncertainty of not knowing when he would decide to show up. On the fourth day she was sitting by her window trying to read a book when the sound of galloping horses and barking dogs caused her to look up to see Jon riding through the gates of Dragonstone with a group of men.

Jon was home and Sansa couldn't understand why it made her heart beat a little faster. She walked over to her mirror to make sure her hair was in place expecting her husband to to walk through the door at any moment.

Hours passed and and Jon had not come up. Probably just washing up before dinner she told herself. More time passed and nobody had gone up to fetch her for dinner. She grew worried and decided to head down. As she got closer to the dining room she could hear voices, it seemed to be a very lively conversation with all the giggling she could hear.

To her shock she found Jon already having dinner with Margaery. A knot rose in her throat that she could not swallow. Feeling angry and embarrassed she turned around and left before anything could be said.

If Jon had a mistress how could she hold it against him when she herself loved another and denied him of his marital rights. But to make her share the same home and table, it made her tremble with fury.

She turned and walked as fast as her feet would carry her. She wasn't sure where she was going she just knew she had to leave the suffocating house. The sun was past setting and she found it dark outside. She stopped just outside the door to catch her breath and though she would deny it, to wait to see if her husband was coming after her. He wasn't, and the anger made her take off running. She ran past the garden and left the property through the main gate.

Dragonstone had long been left behind, she now followed the dirt road that lead to the estate. She could hardly see her own feet below her and she constantly stumbled tripping over rocks. She was tired and scared, but it was too late to turn back, so she pushed through. Suddenly she found herself falling, landing on her knees and hands. It seemed to be a large hole or dip on the road that had tripped her.

She sat there in the hole analyzing her situation. Both of her hands were stinging from being scraped and when she tried to stand her left foot faltered and a sharp pain shot through her ankle. Her tears started streaming down her cheeks.

Through her loud weeping she heard a horse in the distance when she turned she saw a small dot of a light approaching her. Her fall had disoriented her and she wasn't sure what direction the rider was coming from.

A deep fear set in when she realized it might be some bandits, she had heard rumors they were common in the area. She tried to force herself to be quiet in hopes that the rider wouldn't notice her.

Finally the rider was about to reach her when she heard Jon's voice calling her name. She hesitated momentarily before calling out to him. He spotted her and jumped off his horse in one swift move. "Are you hurt" he asked concerned as he kneeled before her.

"I can't walk, I hurt my foot" she said flinching when he reached out to help her up. It didn't go unnoticed by Jon. 

"What were you thinking! You could of been seriously hurt! You could of been found by someone far more repulsive than me."

"I hate you!" was all Sansa could think to say to the man responsible for her current condition, the very man she was running away from, and now she needed him to be her savior and protector, and she hated him for it.

It was Jon's turn to flinch at her words before sighing deeply "will you please let me help you."

Sansa wiped her tears and nodded reluctantly. He set the torch he carried on the ground to lift her gently by the waist. With one hand on her back to steady her he used the other to brush her sweat slick hair back from her face.

"I'm sorry I didn't wait for you at dinner, I didn't think you would be joining us" he said in a sorrowful voice. Before helping her onto the saddle of the horse as carefully as he could. He then proceeded to pick up the torch and join her, seating himself behind her.

They rode back at a slow trot trying to avoid further injury to her foot. Cradled in his strong arms she let herself sink into him and relax. She tilted her head back and let it rest oh his shoulder, her forehead pressed against his cheek. She could feel the rise and fall of his chest pressed against her back as she examined the starry sky and hoped the ride back home would be a long one.

Along the way they encountered a group of men on horseback with torches "I found her, someone go get the doctor the rest of you can head back" Jon called out to them.

Too soon they arrived at Dragonstone and Jon helped her off the horse and then carried her inside rejecting some of the men's offers to help.

Inside the house a group of staff had gathered to see if the lady of the house was ok, Sansa noticed Margaery among them and the envy in her eyes made her wrap her arms possesivley around Jon's neck pulling herself closer to him.

Once in her room he laid her down on the bed and began to remove her boots. She began to protest but he insisted and soon her foot was bare and propped up by a pillow. He then seated himself next to her with a wet cloth which he used to clean her slightly bloodied hands as he did that he began to speak:

"There are some things I want to clear up with you. It was your mother who took notice of my immediate interest in you and set out to invite me over on any excuse telling me that it was upon your request. When she was sure that I had fallen for you, she confided in me your family's financial situation claiming that it was urgent that you marry. I told her about my intentions towards you and offered to resolve her financial problems under the only condition that you were not to know of my involvement. I wanted you to choose me without feeling obligated or indebted to me."

"How noble of you"Sansa said sarcastically. Causing great irritation in her husband who got off the bed to pace the room.

"I should of never tempted your mother with my money. I know that! It was a mistake and I take full responsibility for it. Will you take responsibility for misleading me?"

"What about Harry's false wife and his incarceration do you take responsibility for that as well?"

"I have no idea what you speak of!"

"I don't believe you! And I can't bare another day of this marriage!"

Jon came back to her side of the bed and took a seat facing her. "You're free to leave if that's what you want. But it's not what I want" he said staring at her lips.

Sansa stared back at his lips finally accepting to herself that the reason she had ended up injured on a dark road was precisely because of those lips. Because ever since that first night she had been desperately craving them. Because the rejection she had felt for the three days Jon had been absent only intensified her cravings for him. Because when she had found him enjoying Margaery's company it drove her mad to think of those lips on anyone else.

But having those feelings caused her great turmoil making her feel like she was betraying Harry. Conflicted she pulled away from Jon leaving him dejected.

Soon the doctor arrived to examine her foot and quickly determined it was not broken but merely sprained. A few days of rest and elevating her foot and she should be back to normal he told her.

"Thank you Dr. Luwin for promptly coming out to see me at such a late hour."

"My pleasure my lady, I finally got to meet the great lady for whom our clinic is named."

Seeing her confusion the doctor immediately recognized his indiscretion "I'm sorry" he said looking to Jon  
"I thought you knew my lady. Your husband has been most generous to our village. Our closest clinic or hospital before was days away often times people were seen too late to be saved. Now thanks to your husband's abundant generosity we have a clinic here and free of cost. It has been a great blessing" he said sheepishly.

He seemed to want to say more, but Jon intervened offering to escort him out. Alone Sansa took in her new discovery. She had heard of gentlemen funding a wing at a hospital or a library at a university to name after their loved ones, never an entire clinic and free of cost to the needy. She didn't know exactly how to feel about the revelation other than feeling immensely proud of her husband for being so kind and generous. It wasn't the first time either that she had noticed these traits in Jon. She could tell the entire household staff held him in very high regards.

Just as the doctor had said Sansa was up and out of bed by the fourth day. During those four days Shea had spent a great deal of time with her mostly keeping her company and a closeness had developed between the two. During this time Shea warned Sansa to beware of Lady Margaery who everyone knew to be in love with Jon.

"That night when you hurt your ankle, Lord Targaryen asked Lady Margaery to call you down for dinner, except she never sent word up to you to come down, and when he asked for you, she told him you were indisposed." It gave Sansa great satisfaction to know that Margaery's plan had backfired for things between the newlyweds had been agreeable during her bed rest with Jon being very attentive.

She could finally leave her room and decided to walk out to the garden to enjoy the fresh air. She was admiring the rose bushes when she saw Margaery in the distance walking with a man. It wasn't Jon and that's all that mattered to her until she became aware of how familiar the figure seemed to her.  It was Harry Hardyng, he had made it to Dragonstone.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading and please let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Sansa was back in her room, mind and heart racing as she thought over her situation. Jon had never seen Harry so he wouldn't be able to recognize him. Harry would know that and was probably using a different identity she thought as she paced the room.

Harry had come for her.  He had looked for her and had miraculously found her.  She was overjoyed to know he was ok and to have the opportunity to see him again.   _And then what? I runaway with him? What about Jon?_

Jon was always creeping into her thoughts as of late, thoughts of his toned body, and how his finger tips felt skimming her skin.  There was a knock at the door interrupting her thoughts before Shea announced herself.

"Come in, come in" she insisted.  Shea had barely set foot in the room when Sansa began her questioning "I saw lady  Margaery with a man, who is he?"

"The new administrator, my lady."

"Do you know his name?"

"Derek Payne" Then a new and sudden curiosity came over her and she continued her interrogation "where is the previous administrator? He's Margaery's father, right?"

"Yes, my lady, he was, he died a couple of years ago."

"Why is Margaery still here? And why is the administrator just now being replaced?" Sansa asked brimming with curiosity.

"I don't know my lady, I just know the whispers I hear.  Lady Margaery doesn't have any family or any place to go so lord Targaryen offered her a home here. And as for the replacement of the administrator well Lord Targaryen's father lived the last years of his life wasting away in bed. He let everything go, lady Margaery had been taught by her father how to run the estate and balance the accounts she took over until your husband arrived here when his father passed away."

The new information filled her with even more questions.  _Where was Jon while his father died?  Why wasn't he here to take charge?_

Once again she was confronted with the realization that she had never taken the time to know him.  All the time they had spent together she had been thinking of Harry.  She never stopped to think that Jon was a person with a life of hopes and dreams.  She had used him to get back at Harry and misled him.  Jon on the other hand, had so enthusiastically asked and learned so much about her that he was able to put together the wedding of her dreams without her involvement.  

What little she did know about him she had learned from others.  She had come to discover that she married a very kind and just man, loved by those around him.   _He deserves a chance to have a loving wife, he deserves better than me._ She thought with shame.

A knock on the door startled her and her maid, the two of them straightened and held their breath as Jon opened the door letting himself in.  Acting as casual as possible Shea went over to fix the pillows on the bed and Sansa stood up from her chair to greet her husband. He was holding a bouquet of flowers and a slanted smile formed on his face as he took her in. "I'm glad you're feeling better" he said to her and then asked Shea to fetch a vase with water for the flowers, leaving the two alone.

"Thank you" Sansa sighed admiring the flowers as she leaned in closer to smell them. "The garden is turning out beautifully."

Jon's smile widened and Sansa noticed how rare those smiles were and how it made her heart flutter and caused an earnest smile to appear on her face in response.   

"If there's anything you would like to change or add" he was beginning to say before Sansa interrupted him "no its perfect, really" she insisted.

"I left the house in its bare condition, thinking you would like to decorate it to your taste. Perhaps we could plan a trip to the city to do some shopping."

How could she make plans for the future when at the moment it was so uncertain so she answered an unenthusiastic "perhaps."

The rejection he felt was evident on his face as his smile turned back to its usual scowl. A slight blush creeped up on his cheeks and he exited the room. It pained her to hurt his feelings but there were more pressing matters at hand.

She sat down to write a note to Harry asking him to meet her at the sept on the east side of the property, she never saw anyone enter it, and she didn't know the massive house well enough to think of a better place.

She found Shea and asked her to deliver the note to the new administrator and warned her to not let anyone see her. The young maid had looked uncomfortable but accepted the task.

The walk to the sept which was its own separate building with its own fountains and gardens felt irritatingly long to her.  As she entered the sept, she hoped Shea had delivered her note and that Harry would be able to meet her. She was walking deeper into the sept past the statues of the gods when she heard a voice from behind.

"Sansa, my love?"

She turned to find him standing mere steps away and ran the short distance into his arms.

"Harry, oh Harry,  I missed you so much." She said already crying.

"Don't cry sweet girl, this will all be over soon. I'm here now."

"No, Harry! You must leave, it's too dangerous! If Jon finds out I don't even want to think what could happen! He hates you!"

"He knows about me?" Harry asked pulling back from her grip to look at her.

"Yes, his friend saw us the day of the wedding, that's why I didn't meet you.  I told him everything, and he threatened to kill you if I ever saw you again. Please you must go, it's only a matter of time before the real administrator shows up and."

"The administrator is dead. The friend I'm traveling with and I came upon his body on our way here, some bandits must of killed him, all his belongings were missing. He had a note from your husband inviting him to come work here, which I used when I presented myself as Derek Payne.  But none of that matters" he said growing exasperated. "We'll leave tomorrow I have it all planned out?"

"We cant Harry, it's too late."

"What do you mean? You still love me don't you?"

"Yes, but" she hesitated to gather her thoughts it was true she still loved him but how could she explain to him that she was starting to feel something for Jon too, perhaps love or just lust whatever it was she felt a connection to Jon that made it hard for her to even think of leaving him. 

"But what? We'll go far away across the narrow sea" Harry said as she started shaking her head no.

"Why not?" He asked "are you afraid of him? You don't  have to be afraid anymore, I'm here now, and I'll protect you."

"No" she shouted "it's not that, I'm a married woman now and my place is by my husband." She said in between sobs.

"You were married when you agreed to leave with me before. What has changed?" He demanded.

"Everything!" Sansa shouted pulling out of his arms and turning her back on him. "Everything has changed! I'm his wife now, I'm his in every way." She said unable to look at Harry as she spoke.

Harry seemed surprised and stumbled on his words "there are rumors among the household staff" he said sounding confused "they say you don't sleep together."

"We don't. We sleep in separate rooms." She began slowly "but on the way down from Winterfell we stopped to stay the night at an inn, and, and he had his way with me."

"I'll kill him" Harry roared. Sansa turned to him then, to stop him from walking away begging "please don't, please stop!"

"Please, tell me he forced himself on you, tell me you didn't want to!"  Harry implored taking her face in his hands to look into her eyes. 

"Well, I didn't want to" and Sansa stopped to think about how she had wanted him and how he had been sweet and gentle, but how could she say that to the man she loved.

"I don't care, I still love you! You're still the same to me, my Sansa!"

"No im not the same, I'll never be the same. Even if it doesn't matter to you, it matters to me!"

"Listen to me Sansa, I don't care about that. It's your heart and your soul I care about.  He had your body, but not your heart!  Your heart is mine only mine" he said before pulling her in for a passionate open mouthed kiss.

Sansa let herself give in to the kiss momentarily before pulling away to say "I asked you here to tell you to put an end to this at once. My mind is made up I am not leaving with you and that is final." She finished with a deep breath as she started to walk away.

"I won't leave without you! You hear me! I will never leave unless you're at my side" he cried after her.

She made it out of the sept feeling like the worst person alive for hurting Harry the way she had. But it had to be done. He had to leave immediately, for his own safety.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to keep you waiting so long, I hope you can forgive me. I also want to apologize if this chapter feels rushed I just really wanted to update already.

Jon had stormed out of Sansa's room embarrassed and furious. Every time he told himself he wouldn't stand for another one of her rejections he found himself unable to break the pattern.

_She never wanted you, you stubborn fool_  Jon chastised himself as he sat in the large leather chair in his study, surrounded by walls of leather bound books. He opened the top drawer of his mahogany desk and pulled out a bottle of cognac that had been there since before he called the desk and its contents his own.

He drank from the bottle, as the same conflict that had plagued him since his wedding day came back to torment him. The same familiar anger at his wife's betrayal rearing its ugly head again.

He knew he should of let her go, have the marriage annulled as she suggested. But he couldn't bare to part with her, even knowing that she loved another man. Even after she had broken his heart on their wedding day and been in the arms of another within hours of swearing her undying love and eternal loyalty to him before the gods.

Yet every time he thought enough was enough and he wouldn't tolerate another rejection, he would remember how she felt in his arms on their wedding night, how easily she gave into his kisses, and how her long legs felt wrapped around his hips.

Frequently, Jon tortured himself thinking about how she was probably missing that other man, thinking of him. But their wedding night had planted hope in his heart that she could love him. The way she rested against his chest as they rode home the day of her accident, and the way she clung to him as he carried her to her room had felt so right it revitalized that hope.

So he had made it his purpose to try to slowly gain her affections, to start over if that was possible. He had built his entire future around her and for once he was glad of his stubbornness for it would not let him give up on her.

The next few days after her accident things had taken a turn for the better between the newlyweds. She seemed to be enjoying his company, so he had taken a chance by inviting her to take a trip to the city, a chance for them to spend time together.  

His pride was already wounded and he couldn't help but feeling slighted by her less than enthusiastic, non committed response.  How much more begging did she expect he would do?  But in spite of her unfair treatment of him he couldn't resist the urge to continue to pursue her, to find a way to please her.

The hours passed and he continued to drink from the bottle of cognac.  The room was beginning to get dark and feel stuffy, making him crave a breath of fresh air.  He stepped out of his study to find the lanterns along the outer corridors burning bright.  The creatures of the night were beginning their nightly chorus and the evening flowers were giving off their scent.

Head spinning Jon rested against one of the large columns holding up the arches that lined the corridor. He was dozing in and out of sleep when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He opened his groggy eyes and saw Margaery kneeling by his side.

"Let's get you to bed, my lord" she said in a playful voice.  

Embarrassed Jon hurried to stand using the column for support, trying to avoid Margaery's help. Still dizzy he lost his balance and staggered forward, but she leaned into him before he could fall and helped him rest against the wall while he regained his balance.

"Thank you, Margaery" he said with a shy smile.

She stood inches from him, her hands pressed to his chest to help him keep his balance. He closed his eyes to stop the room from spinning and when he opened them again he was met with the sight of Margaery's breasts rising and falling with every shallow breath. He stared a moment too long and when he looked up to her eyes he found them staring back at him through long lashes.

On impulse he grabbed her by the waist pulling her into him and claimed her lips with his, she sighed and melted into him. He expected to prove to himself that it was possible to move on, to feel joy at another woman's touch. Instead it proved what he already knew, for him it was Sansa or no one at all, he realized as he pulled away regretfully.

"It's late, I'll walk you in." He said feeling suddenly sober.

They walked in silence the entire way.  He left her at the bottom of the staircase that led up to the bedrooms and wished her good night as he turned the opposite direction from her quarters.

The next day as Jon opened his eyes he was filled with guilt as he remembered his kiss with Margaery.  The paranoia came next as he thought of what Sansa might think if she found out.  He couldn't wait to clear things up with Margaery and  left to find her.   He found her sitting in the great room looking over some papers.

Margaery looked up at him as he walked into the room, with a seductive smile on her lips that made Jon nervous.

"I was just putting together the invoices from last month for the new administrator" she said casually, making Jon question if the previous night had even happened.  

Deciding to get it over with Jon got to the point "about last night, I'm sorry. It shouldn't have happened, I wasn't thinking clearly." Jon's words faltered as Margaery's usual smirk drooped into a hard line.

"It was my fault, please forgive me, it will never happen again. I'm so grateful to you for all that you have done for me, for Dragonstone, I couldn't do it all without your help." 

Silent tears started rolling down her cheeks and Jon pulled her into a hug that he hoped would comfort her.  "Margaery you're like a sister to me, I want you to know that, and that you have my full support in everything." He said into her hair.

"What is going on here" demanded Sansa as she observed them from the top of the stairs of the great room. 

Jon and Margaery separated immediately and she hid her face from Sansa as she walked past Jon to exit the room.

Alone Jon looked at his haughty wife walking down the stairs, chin high, her eyes never straying from his trying to read his thoughts.  He recognized the now familiar darkness taking over him, the dormant shadow that lived inside of him, the one only his lovely wife could provoke.

"What can I do for you my lady?" He said putting all his effort into sounding indifferent.  He knew she expected an explanation, but he wasn't about to make it that easy for her.

"You were holding her. HERE! For the world to see." She said angrily falling for his bait, proving that she cared more than she would like to admit.

"If it bothers you, next time I'll make sure to do so in a more private place." Jon said nonchalantly, feeling empowered by her concern.  

Shocked by his response Sansa raised her voice to say" so you admit it then, she's your lover? Feel free to do as you please, my lord" She said as she started walking back up the stairs.

Jon followed her up to her room letting himself in after her. Grabbing her by the arm to turn her to face him.

"Don't touch me" she snapped snatching her arm out of his hands.

"I'll touch you whenever I like" he said menacingly as he took her by the wrist pulling her into him. Enjoying how her eyes widened and how perfectly she fit in his arms.

"Are you jealous?" He rasped against her ear, sending a shiver down her back. 

"Absolutely not, but it's humiliating that you have her living under the same roof as me, that you expect me to eat at the same table, it's embarrassing that she claims my place as lady of the house." She said as she tore from his grasp yet again.  

"If I remember correctly, you turned down your responsibilities as lady of this house because you would never accept this as your home, and now that your leaving back to Winterfell I don't see the point in changing things around here."

Sansa stayed silent contemplating her husband's words, she had not mentioned going back to Winterfell in some time and had no intention to do so.  It unsettled her that Jon who had denied her every time she begged to go home, was now the one bringing it up.  "So just as easily as you purchased me, now you want to return me, I imagine you'll want a refund, my lord."

Her words must of hit a nerve she realized as he started yelling at her exasperated "your mother made it clear to me that she was willing to sell you to the highest bidder regardless if he was old or cruel, what was I supposed to do?  Let some awful fate befall you?  I guess to you anyone else would of been better than me."

"So you married me out of pity?"  She asked.

He ran a hand through his hair as he sighed "Margaery is a friend and that is all that exists between us and that is all I have to say on the subject."  He said sounding tired.  He left the room without further explanation, leaving Sansa alone to stew over what she had just witnessed.

The entire day she didn't leave her room. Trays with food were sent up to her room and back to the kitchen untouched. She knew Jon kept a close eye on her to make sure she was eating and she hoped he would feel guilt and worry. As the sun set and darkness took over the house, she waited anxiously, any moment she thought any moment he'll come to me to apologize.

Hours went by and he never came. All day long she couldn't stop thinking about how he had mentioned her leaving and she desperately needed to know if that's what he wanted. It was late and everyone was probably sleeping including her husband. But her blood was boiling making her want to scream in frustration, until she made up her mind to go and see her husband to get some answers.  

Her husband's room was next to hers and within a couple of steps she was standing at his door. She thought of what she would say and started to walk back to her room regretting her decision. But the need to see him, to know if he really wanted her gone overwhelmed her drawing her back to his door. She knocked twice and waited for a response while trying to ignore the queasy feeling in her stomach.

She heard the sound of a chair scraping against the floor and then the door swung open.  He was barefoot and topless in just his breeches. Her eyes slowly dragged themselves up his abdomen and chest, the well defined muscle making her mouth water.

She was distracted by her handsome, young husband to the point that she couldn't remember what it was she was there to say.

Jon pulled the door open wider and gestured for her to come in. She had been expecting to be the one in command of the meeting, but the obvious effect he had on her had left no doubt that he was in charge.

She could hardly keep her eyes on him afraid they might stray to his smooth skin and betray her lusty thoughts.  She half remembered why she had come and began to speak before her mind went completely blank.

"Id like to know when I may go home?" She said flicking her eyes from him to the wall behind him. 

"Whenever you wish." He responded.

Sansa felt all the air drain out of her lungs as he spoke of her departure with such indifference. "You want me to leave so you can be with her." She blurted out.

Jon closed in on her pinning her to the wall one hand on either side of her waist, his body flush against hers. Taking his time to observe her.

"Listen to me when I say this Sansa, because it's the last time I say this to you, I don't want you to leave." He whispered gently as he leaned in to place small kisses on her collarbone.

His hands were on her waist now gripping her firmly in place and his kisses spread from her collarbone to her neck.

"I want you by my side, always."  He said as he brought one hand up to caress her cheek.

Sansa's heart hammered against her chest and she couldn't help but feel like the only way of stopping it from bursting right through her chest was to give in to the urge to hold him close. She placed one hand around his back and combed the other through his hair.  The part of her that insisted on Harry and distrusted Jon finally silenced.  

She kissed him back first on his temple and then his cheeks until she found his lips.  Jon continued to take his time running his hands through her hair and kissing her slowly.

Sansa felt that she needed more, his gentle touch left her longing for more.  After everything they had been through, at last they were giving into their desires  and she wanted so much more than to be sweetly kissed.  

Jon lifted her and walked over to the bed where he placed her down softly to continue the exploration of her body. He stood back to look at her in her sheer  nightgown, her nipples hard and her hair spread out on the sheets of his bed. Her chest was rising and falling dramatically to the rhythm of her breath, while small beads of sweat gathered on her forehead and Jon thought that it was the most beautiful he had ever seen her. But her eyes were closed and he couldn't stop the doubt that creeped into his mind.

He separated her knees and placed himself in between them to be cradled by her legs. He was drawn to her breasts and returned to showering them with open mouthed kisses.

Growing frantic his hands searched for access to her thighs, pulling and tugging on the fine silk of her nightgown. He finally made contact with the soft skin on her inner thighs and began to draw small circles with his thumb making her arch her back and thrust her hips into his.

Encouraged Jon brought a finger to her entrance to find her impossibly wet, he groaned and slipped a finger in to explore her slick warm walls. Sansa rocked against his fingers and started to whimper, he followed her lead adding another finger, pumping in and out to the rhythm of her thrusts.

"Is this what you want my love?" Jon asked huskily in her ear, her moaning getting louder, he could tell she was close. "Is this why you are here?  So you can take your pleasure in me while you lay there thinking of him."

Sansa's eyes sprung wide open to look at him in horror as he hooked his fingers and pressed his palm against her nub triggering her orgasm.  Trapped under the spell of her ecstasy she laid there paralyzed looking into his dark eyes while wave after wave of pleasure and shame clashed inside of her.

It took her a moment to recover and push him off her. Her legs were shaky as she stood up and hurried out of his room, without looking back at him, the humiliation making her ears ring.

All night long she couldn't sleep.  She couldn't stop thinking about their encounter how good it had been until his awful accusations.  How lowly he must think of her, to think she would be capable of such depravity.  As soon as the sun came up she was ready to leave the the confinement of her room after feeling trapped in it alone with her thoughts all night long.  

She left her room heading for the garden, hoping a nice, long walk would help her calm her nerves.  She was deep in the garden where she had found a new batch of winter roses blooming when she heard foot steps approaching her.

It was Harry.  Sansa panicked looking around to see if anyone could see them "Harry!"

"My love, an opportunity has come up for us to leave."  Harry whispered excitedly.

"Harry, this is madness!  Please you must go, I'm begging you."  Sansa pleaded, wondering what it was going to take to make him understand the danger he was in.  

"I told you I'm not leaving without you! I refuse to leave you here with him." Harry spat out that last word with disgust.  

"I won't be here with him. I'm going back to Winterfell with my family." She said hoping that would convince him.

"He's letting you leave?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Yes" she replied sadly.

"Did you ask him for a divorce?"

"We didn't talk about that. This changes nothing, Harry. I still can't be with you."

"Why?" Asked Harry growing red with frustration "I love you Sansa, and I know you love me, so explain to me why you're willing to give up on us?"

"Because I gave Jon my word that if he let me go home I wouldn't go looking for you." She replied firmly.

At that Harry erupted grabbing her roughly by the shoulders.  Raising his voice and sending Sansa into a panic.  

"You are willing to throw your life away because of a promise you made to a man that doesn't even respect you, he is unworthy of your loyalty, parading his lover around for the world to see."  Harry barked at her "I saw him kissing lady Margaery."

Sansa felt as though a bucket of cold water had been poured over her head. She struggled to remain unaffected trying to sound like herself "I can't be with you Harry, please try to understand that." She said pushing past him.

"I already told you, I will not leave without you.  You'll come to see he isn't worthy of even your pity, I'll be here when you realize that."  

Sansa walked straight back to her room, where she let out her emotions into her pillow, more confused than ever.  Harry was right this was there chance to be happy together.  Jon had found someone new and would never forgive her anyway.  

A knock came at her door and Sansa wiped her tears to open it. It was a young maid she hadn't seen before.

"Breakfast is ready my lady." Said the new maid.

"I won't be coming down thank you. Will you please send Shea up."

"I'm sorry my lady, but Shea has been reassigned to do the cleaning in the servant quarters."  The hesitation in the maids voice didn't go unnoticed by Sansa.

"Who gave the order?"

"Lady Margaery." Was the maid's only response, looking down at her feet.

"Tell lady Margaery I would like to speak to her, please."  Sansa said taking a deep breath to calm her anger.

She took Margaery's orders to reassign Shea as a direct challenge, she was growing bold. Even if she was on her way out of Dragonstone she was still Jon's wife and the lady of the house, and she was determined to be treated as such.

She sent for Margaery and thought of all the things she wanted to say to her as she waited. She was preparing herself for the confrontation when a sudden commotion drew her out of her room.  

Many men could be heard, their combined voices making a raucous.  Then there was a wail, and another.  Sansa rushed to see what was happening, she was at the top of the stairs when she saw a group of men bringing in an unconscious, blood soaked Jon. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been a while so please bare with me as I get back into the writing groove. Sorry for the countless grammatical and punctuation errors that are bound to be in here, just couldn’t wait any longer to post!

 Sansa couldn't believe her eyes, the terror that filled her muted the fearful sounds that filled the house, her vision blurred with tears and her legs became weak.  She wanted to scream but found she could not summon her voice, leaving her concerns unsaid. 

Jon’s face had a pale grey tint to it.  His hair was a loose mess that covered half his face including his eyes. He was slumped forward as he was being propped up by two workmen.  

Blood soaked most of his clothing and left a trail behind him as he was carried up the stairs to where she stood.  She stared at him unaware of the commotion that surrounded her, the voices were mere sounds and the people distant shapes.  She kept her eyes glued on Jon daring him to look back. 

The men started to walk away with him and it was at that moment that Sansa came out of her trance like state to rush ahead and lead the men to her room, where they laid him on the large canopied bed.  

She stood at the foot of the oversized bed watching her husband’s lifeless body with overwhelming fear.  Just as she began to spiral into despair, with thoughts of regret, Jon turned his head and let out a small whimper.   

She rushed to his side and hovered over him as she combed his hair away from his face and looked closely at him. "Jon it's me Sansa, can you hear me, Jon” she said in a strained voice. Jon continued to whimper quietly and Sansa took that as a sign that maybe he could hear her.

"You're going to be fine, please Jon, please be okay” she begged him. "Send for the doctor" she ordered one of the men that remained in the room.

"He's already been called my lady." He answered.  

Able to think more clearly out of the grips of terror Sansa removed his boots and started to undo the buttons on his shirt. She found the first wound on the left side of his ribs, blood trickled out continuously, from a large gash, the sight nearly making Sansa faint.

A basin with water and towels were brought up to her and she used them to wipe away the blood splattered on his face and body.  Quickly the water in the basin turned dark with blood, filling her with worry.  She was wiping his chest when she heard the pounding footsteps approaching.  Within seconds Margaery came running through the door and flung herself on Jon, screaming his name over and over.  

Sansa was stunned by Margaery’s audacity and reacted by trying to pull the hysterical woman off her unconscious husband.  Margaery resisted and only increased her frantic pleading.  

Out of the little patience Sansa had left, she sank both her hands into Margaery’s long brown hair, and pulled with all her might.  Margaery came stumbling off Jon and to the floor where Sansa continued to drag her to the door.  Suspecting margaery would try to get back to Jon, Sansa positioned herself between the two as she commanded the hysterical woman to leave.

"Get out! You have no business being here! Get out now!" Sansa screamed furiously.

"No! I won’t leave him!  You’ll just let him die!  It’s what you want!  Everyone knows how you hate him!” Shrieked Margaery uncontrollably.

A slap to the face ended her rant, leaving her to cup her injured cheek as Sansa commanded the two men that remained in the room to escort her out.  The two men shifted uncomfortably as they hesitantly looked at each other; Sansa may be the lady of the house, but for years their orders had come from Margaery, whom they knew better than to cross.  Fortunately for the two men she stormed out of the room on her own and they quietly followed before another request could be made of them.

Alone with Jon, Sansa sank to her knees on the floor next to the bed, taking his hand in hers.  She noticed his gold wedding band stained with blood, and began to remove it to clean it.  Memories of her wedding day came to her, but they weren’t the usual ones of the tall tiered cake, or the flower arrangements, they were memories of Jon, how he had looked at her as she walked down the isle to him, how his eyes were full of devotion as he said his vows and placed a gold band on her finger.  

Tears came streaming down her face as she remembered the exact moment she broke his heart as she told him she loved another man.  Margaery’s words echoed in her head, as she wondered if Jon also thought she hated him.  She finished wiping down the ring and slid it back on his finger as she whispered to him “please don’t leave me” and then placed a small kiss on his hand.

The doctor arrived and found the second wound on his left shoulder while examining him.  Sansa had to look away as two men held Jon down while Doctor Lewin stitched him up. He feebly attempted to break free and avoid the the pain inflicting needle, his anguished cries filled the room.  

What seemed like an eternity later Dr. Lewin administered a shot to prevent infection and a tonic to help him sleep.

"Will he be ok?" Sansa asked shakily.

"The knife didn't hit any organs and Jon is strong and young, he has a good chance, but he has lost a lot of blood." Answered the doctor as he rummaged through his bag, pulling out a small notepad on which he wrote detailed instructions on how to care for Jon, as he promised to return first thing in the morning.

Sansa wouldn’t have it, she insisted Dr.Lewin stay in Dragonstone at least until Jon was out of danger.  Seeing her distress the kindly doctor retreated instead to a guest room down the hall.

All night long Sansa watched Jon as he slept, never letting her eyes stray from his chest where she could see the rise and fall of his breathing, occasionally placing her cheek near his nose and mouth to further reassure herself.  The possibility of Jon dying tormented her, what would become of her in a world without him, just the thought of it made her feel unimaginably lonely. 

It was strange to her that she could feel that way about the very person she was trying to get away from.  Jon had come to know her so well, better than anyone else including her family, best friend, and Harry.  Her family with the exception of her mother had no clue of Harry’s existence.  Jeyne Poole knew about Harry, but had no clue of her family’s financial crisis. Harry knew of these things but did he know her well enough to plan her dream wedding, could he still love her even knowing all her most shameful secrets.   

Jon knew of her clandestine love affair, of her mothers greed and lack of morals.  Jon had witnessed her proud, haughty ways.  He had seen her childish stubbornness, and impulsive jealous bouts.  His determination to keep her as his wife and try and have a true marriage with her, made her feel accepted flaws and all, giving Sansa a sense of security she had never known before.  

Morning came and with it the 6:00 am sept bells announcing the start of the day, as the roosters crowed in the distance. It seemed so unfair to her that life dared to go on as usual while, her world crumbled into pieces. She pressed her palm to his cheek and realized his skin was burning hot. She went to the door, unwilling to put more distance between Jon and herself and yelled for the doctor.

A groggy and deshiveled Dr. Lewin came running in with his bag in one hand ready to go.

"He has developed a fever." Sansa declared desperately.

The doctor pressed his hand to his forehead and began looking through his bag for what Sansa knew not.  His bandages were changed and a fever reducer was given to the shivering patient.  Feeling overwhelmed Sansa sent for Shea the only person she felt she could trust.  A short while later Shea appeared, prepared with cool water and towels to aid in cooling Jon down.

The fever seemed to lessen and Shea used the opportunity to try and convince Sansa to get some rest and eat something. It was useless, she was determined to stay by Jon’s side.  

Three days went by with Jon in a perpetual fever floating in and out of consciousness deliriously. Every minute of that time seemed eternal to Sansa.  She took her meals, what bits and pieces she ate of them in the room with him, and she slept on the chair by his side.

Her days included changing his bandages, and cooling him down with cool compresses, as well as sponging him down to keep him clean. She did it all with the utmost care and affection, feeling her best when comforting him. She was alone with Jon her head rested on his thigh and his hand in hers as she observed him. When she heard someone clearing their throat from behind her.

Harry stood at the threshold of the door watching them through curious eyes.  Sansa stood abruptly and approached him standing firm and tall when she addressed him. "Have you lost your mind!"

"I haven't seen you in days” responded Harry casually as if Jon didn’t lay a few feet away fighting for his life.

"You shouldn't be here, someone could see you!" Answered Sansa angrily.  

"As the administrator it would be unusual if I didn't inquire as to my employer's health and whom better to ask than you." He continued in his casual tone.

"He lost a lot of blood and he still has a fever" she said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Harry pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at her "you seem very concerned, almost as if you want him to live, if he dies you'll be left a wealthy widow, a free woman to do as you please."

"I want you to leave now" she hissed at him through gritted teeth.

"Have you forgotten this man used his money and power to buy you and then proceeded to have his way with you! Have you no self respect, no dignity! Or is his money blinded you to the truth?" Harry snapped taking a few steps into the room.  

"If that's how you feel then it shouldn't be difficult to leave once and for all". She said pointing to the door.

They stood there looking eye to eye him trying to read her observing every little detail about her that might give her away. He could no longer tell if it was pity and duty that compelled her to be wifely.

She remained steadfast, unwavering in the certainty of what she said, it became clear to her at that moment that she wanted Harry to leave already, to stop tormenting her with memories of past feelings and dreams, his presence would never allow her to wholeheartedly give herself to Jon.  

Jon stirred and Sansa took the opportunity to dismiss Harry “if that will be all, my husband needs me” she said coldly, leaving him standing by himself.

She never looked back to see him storm out of the room. She hurried back to Jon where he was turning his head left and right he seemed like he wanted to say something.

"Sansa, Sansa” his words came out barely more than a whisper.  

"I'm here, Jon, I'm right here with you" she reassured him cupping his cheek, her heart throbbing in her chest as she wondering how this man could possibly still love her after everything.  "I'm right here Jon, I'm not leaving I promise."

Just like that he was out again. Two more days passed before the fever went away and the doctor could declare him out of danger, but he continued to sleep more than he was awake.  Occasionally he would wake in a delirious state mumbling incoherently but would retreat back to sleep after having a sip of water.

For the first time Jon woke up on the sixth day since he had been attacked. It just so happened that the lord of Dragonstone awoke on the only occasion his wife had left his side. Shea was there when he first opened his eyes as she pressed a cool cloth to his forehead.

"Where's my wife" were his first words.

"She’s taking a bath, It's the first time she leaves your side my lord.”

Sansa’s movements were hurried, her hair still loose and wet, upon entering the room to find Jon wide awake.  She stopped in her tracks, a surprised expression on her face. She was joyous to see him finally fully awake but also sorry she had not been present when he woke up. "You're awake" she exclaimed as she walked to his side. "How are you feeling?"

"Thirsty" he rasped. Attentive as ever Sansa helped him sit up while Shea poured a glass of water.  Sansa held the glass up to his lips and helped him drink. "Does it hurt?" She asked him worriedly.

"Some” he answered in a strained voice from lack of use.

"Do you remember what happened” asked Sansa anxious to get some answers.  

"We were attacked just outside of Dragonstone, on Wolf’s Tooth Pass on our way to Blackwater Bay.  There were six men I didn’t recognize them.  It was just Grenn and I.  If Payne didn’t happen by with his musket I’m sure I’d be a dead man now.  How’s Grenn?"

Sansa was confused “did you say Payne saved you, the administrator?”

Jon looked even more confused “yes didn’t he tell you?”

Harry Hardyng the same man that had just basically wished Jon dead was the same one to save him, it didn’t make any sense to Sansa and she wasn’t sure what to say so she changed the subject “Grenn didn’t make it” she said wiping at her eyes.  “His poor mother is devestated, he is all she had left in the world, I hope you don't mind, I promised her she would continue to receive Grenn’s wages, poor woman could do without the extra worry."

Jon took her hand in his and smiled up at her gratefully "it's exactly as I would of done, thank you for seeing her."

It had been a long stressful couple of days for Sansa and it all came crashing down on her at once. All the fear and anxiety she had felt burst out of her in sob after sob leaving Jon bewildered.

"I'm sorry" she finally said "it's just I'm so glad you're okay, I was so worried.  If you don’t mind I would like to go to the sept and light a candle to the Gods for answering my prayers.” 

Jon nodded in agreement and as Sansa walked out, Dr. Lewin was walking in to see the recovering patient.

The sun was setting by the time she left the sept feeling lighter.  She hurried back to the house anxious to be with Jon again.  As she entered the house she saw Shea was coming down the stairs with a tray in hand, which Sansa then inspected carefully to see how much her husband ate. "Is he still awake" she asked hopefully.

"He is my lady, but he has company" answered a hesitant Shea.

"Who" Sansa asked already knowing the answer.

"Lady Margaery.”

Sansa climbed the stairs two steps at a time, bursting through the door once she reached it to find Margaery sitting on the bed by her husband. Startled Margaery stood promptly smoothing out her dress as she looked around the room embarrassed.

"It is late and my husband needs his rest" Sansa said curtly.  

Margaery dipped her head in acknowledgment and walked out of the room without a word.  

It wouldn’t do to stress Jon with an argument about Margaery so instead sansa took a seat at her vanity and began to brush her hair in such a dramatic way, it was evident she was upset.

Jon knew it was wrong but he couldn’t stop himself from enjoying the effect Margaery had on his dear wife.  For it was in those moments that he felt she may feel something for him after all.  

Unable to resist his adorably pouty wife he gave her the bait she secretly desired.  

“Margaery says you publicly humiliated her and even struck her” Jon said seriously, suppressing the chuckle that threatened to escape him as he watched Sansa whip around on her chair pointing her brush at him.

”I’m sure she conveniently failed to mention the part where she flung herself on you, nearly smothering you to death and when I asked her to leave she” her voice cracked as she fought back tears “she said I would let you die.”

Jon let out a tired sigh “Marg is just being overprotective, it’s how she is, she didn’t mean to offend you.”

”MARG” Sansa repeated, clearly mocking him. “Do you hear yourself?  I want to stay Jon, but not under these circumstances.”

She had his full attention now “you’re staying with me?” 

“Yes” Sansa said getting up from her vanity to take a seat on her chair by his side of the bed.

"As my wife with all that the title entails” he clarified, weary of his wife’s constant mood swings.  

Sansa looked away from him to her hands as a light blush appeared on her cheeks and sheepishly nodded a yes.

They sat in quiet contemplation of each other until Jon let out a small yawn that caused Sansa to shoot up from her chair while staring at the clock for the time “My look at the time, I should let you get some rest.”

”This is your room, where are you going?” Jon asked noticing the way she squeezed her hands.  “Stay with me?”

The disagreeable topic of Margaery had been left behind and (at least for the moment) forgotten, and in its abscence, a new energy took over the room.  There was an electric current that charged the air, making them ultra aware of each other and giving Sansa butterflies in her stomach. “I’ll go change into my nightgown” she answered with a small smile she couldn’t hold back.  

She found Jon already asleep when she finally emerged dressed for bed.  It had not been her intention to take so long, but she couldn’t find the right nightgown, some were too exposed, others too frumpy she tried on six before finding the right one and then her nightly hair routine had also taken up some time.

Sansa gingerly joined Jon in bed without disturbing him.  She laid facing him, taking in his features through the moonlight.  All the recent days of stress and little sleep finally claimed their toll on her as she surrendered to sleep within seconds of laying down her head.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a slow chapter, but yay for Sansa realizing her feelings for Jon! Working like mad on the next chapter because “sexy times” obviously! Also in case you’ve been wondering why I abandoned the story for so long; financial setbacks forced me to get a soul sucking job that demanded more than the standard 40 hour work week. I no longer had time (for anything) and on the few spare moments I did have I was too depressed to do anything. I finally quit that job on Monday! I don’t even care what comes next, just happy to be out of that hell hole and have a life again. Sincerely sorry to keep you waiting so long.


	6. Chapter 6

The days went by as Jon slowly began to heal with the help of his ever-doting wife.   When they first started sharing a room and bed they had long awkward silences and embarrassing moments, but they were starting to get comfortable with each other.

They passed the time playing cards or chess, Jon was better at chess, but Sansa won most of their card games.  They would have long, lively conversations about  Jon’s extensive travels and Sansa’s childhood.

He would tell her about the aquamarine waters of Tarth and the sprawling city of Volantis.  She would tell him of her intricate schemes to sneak extra lemon bars from the kitchen and her habit of bringing home stray animals.  

Unfortunately there was still much healing to do before they could have a fulfilling relationship and it left them frustrated.  After being cruelly hurt they had barricaded themselves behind impregnable walls that sheltered their mangled hearts from further damage.  

They both agreed they wanted another chance, but struggled moving forward; there were still secrets between them he could feel it in the way she would sometimes stop mid sentence rethinking what she was about to say, she could feel it in his unpredictable mood swings.  

The nagging doubt in Sansa’s heart that Harry had planted when he claimed he saw Jon kissing Margaery late one night, was her constant companion. She wasn’t sure she could trust Harry anymore, she was still to confront him about the day of Jon’s attack, and his involvement in it, still her doubts lingered.  Jon kissing any woman was maddening enough, but that wretched creature putting her slimy hands on her husband was inconceivable to her.

Her infuriating suspicions were always quelled, when she realized the hypocrisy of it, she had done far worse; she had planned to leave with another man on her own wedding day, the same man she now allowed to live under her roof and was even aiding and protecting him from being discovered, not to mention the times she had held and kissed him, while turning her husband away.  

The guilt of having Harry nearby tormented her beyond indurance; it was by far the biggest obstacle preventing the couple from happiness.  Whenever Jon would make an effort to please Sansa the guilt and shame would prevent her from accepting or enjoying his gestures; further pushing him away.

Jon had demons of his own.  He wanted to trust Sansa, he longed to be sure of his place in her heart.  But when she was lost in thought he couldn’t help but wonder if she was thinking about _him,_ when she smiled to herself was it at the memory of _him._  He had been humiliated and his pride wouldn’t allow further injury by begging her for assurances.  

Their nights were by far the most awkward and full of anxiety.  Once most of the candles were out and they were tucked in bed Sansa could never decide the proper way to lay in bed should she face him or turn her back to him, how much space should she leave between them.  

It was nearly impossible to fall asleep next to him knowing the instant sleep did find her she would be tortured by the same dream that plagued her nearly every night.  

It was their wedding night that haunted her dreams.  It was always the same sequence: her face tucked in his neck, his scent filling her nostrils, his lips close to her ear allowing her to hear only his breathing and whispers.  She could feel him everywhere; the vast expanse of skin on skin as he hovered above her, she felt the planes of muscle on his back under her fingertips.  She felt  one large hand cradling her head gently while the other caressed her thighs and buttocks.  

She always woke from the dream sweaty and anxious.  Vivid flashes from her dreams were starting to creep into her waking thoughts as well, leaving her breathless and flushed when they presented themselves at the most inconvenient times.  

It disturbed her how much time she spent thinking about it.  Thoughts of Jon’s touch and full lips were never far from her mind, especially when he was always around teasing her with his intense stares, she wondered if he thought about it too.  

Jon was healing faster than Sansa would of liked she was growing used to him depending on her and all of the time they spent together.  Within a couple of weeks he was no longer trapped in bed and had once again taken up most of his responsibilities.  Dr. Lewin came by and made his full recovery official after looking over his now scarring wounds.  

Jon decided it was time things go back to normal and called on Margaery to order dinner be served in the dining room.  Sansa hated the way Margaery’s face lit up at the request.  From day one Sansa had protested Margaery’s place at their table, but Jon was firm on his decision to let her stay.  

Feeling the hit of another battle lost, Sansa avoided Jon the rest of the day.  It was almost dinner time when Shea found Sansa aggressively stitching by the window.  She had considered opting out of dinner with some ailment, but decided against that, realizing that would give Margaery exactly what she wanted: alone time with Jon.  

Sansa requested Shea’s help getting ready and the two set out to find the the right dress.  Sansa knew Margaery would be unable to resist wearing a very revealing low cut dress as she often did.  Tempted at first to go for a more revealing look herself, she decided to go as modestly as possible making the contrast between them even sharper.  

She ended up in a long sleeved, powder blue dress made of tafetta with white lace accents, it had a high neckline with buttons that ran all the way up the middle.  Shea helped her with a simple updo that let soft tendrils of hair loose  to frame her face.  She applied a light layer of makeup and sprayed on her perfume just as Jon nocked on the door before letting himself in.  He was there to escort her down to dinner.  

“My lady” he said smiling broadly at her as he offered her his arm.

”My lord” she replied returning the smile coquettishly.  They began to descend the stairs hand in hand, Jon keeping her as close as was possible without hindering their ability to walk.  

Sansa loved the feel of him strong and firm.  It felt things were off to a good start and she was glad of it.

Upon arriving at the dining room Sansa nearly lost her balance as she saw Harry waiting with Margaery and her grandmother near the entrance of the  room.

She immediately tensed and put space between Jon and herself.  It had never occurred to her that Harry might be joining them.  

They took their places at the table with Jon at the head and Sansa to his right, Harry on the other side of her.  On Jon’s left directly across from Sansa sat Margaery with her grandmother next to her.

Harry’s proximity made Sansa feel on edge, she hoped he would be wise enough not to try anything stupid.  

The first course was brought out a thick butternut squash soup.  She played with it more than she consumed any.  There was light conversation mostly among Jon and Harry, about the tense political climate.  

The main dish was brought out next on a covered silver platter.  When the servant lifted the lid to reveal a fragrant venison stew Jon practically jumped out of his seat with excitement.  

“I thought I might surprise you” Margaery said triumphantly, basking in Jon’s reaction.

”What a welcome surprise” Jon replied barely allowing the stew to be served before digging in.

A conversation started up amongst Jon and Margaery comparing different varieties of venison stew they had sampled on their travels.

Annoyed that Jon had failed to mention Margaery had accompanied him on his travels Sansa ignored the stew and began on her second glass of wine, deflated.  

Jon would intermittently direct his words at her to include her in the conversation, but Sansa wanted no part in it.  She was on her third glass of wine; more than she had ever had, and she was beginning to feel the effects as it warmed her insides and made her hands and cheeks tingle.  

Emboldened by the wine she chanced a glance at Harry, immediately regretting it as he gave her a pointed look as if to say _I told you so,_  referring to her husband and his friend.  

Soon the wine drained the tension from her body and replaced it with with amusement.  The absurdity of the situation had become irresistibly comical to her, in an effort to keep herself from laughing out loud she turned to speak to Harry instead.  

“So Mr. Payne, where are you from?” She asked raising her eyebrows, a wide smile on her face as she pressed her lips together to suppress a giggle.  

Harry stuttered some before answering, Sansa realized the risks implicated should Harry answer incorrectly, but she enjoyed the recklessness of it, she enjoyed the idea of putting an end to this farce that was slowly killing her, come what may.  

The energy in the room shifted as Sansa realized she had Jon and Harry at her mercy, she reveled in her newfound power. She continued the small talk with Harry, ignoring Jon’s frequent glances while enjoying making Harry squirm nervously; seeing his tense shoulders and serious face made her giggle uncontrollably.  

Meanwhile across the table lady Olenna had been watching attentively and she finally spoke up “I am so happy to see you enjoying yourself my lady” she said to Sansa.  “Perhaps I could entertain you with a song on the clavichord!”

”I would love that” Sansa said standing immediately; desperate to be done with the dreadful dinner.  She lead the party to the great room where the clavichord sat in a corner of the room.  Margaery looked more than irritated, she probably had some surprise dessert prepared for Jon, Sansa didn’t mind foiling her plans.  

Lady Olenna turned out to be an accomplished player and soon lively melodies filled the room.  

Sansa loved dancing and wanted more than anything to twirl around the vast room.  But when she looked at Jon she doubted that he would even want to dance with her.  Though they were trying to fix their marriage and finally shared a bed he had not so much as hugged her,  she understood that he was not well, but was he so hurt that he couldn’t give her even a kiss. She felt rejected and every time he would side with Margeary she felt rejected and she had meet her limit of rejection for one day so she found herself turning to Harry instead.

Sansa and Harry had meet at a dance hosted by the Baratheons, back in Winterfell.  Harry was a great dancer and could keep up with Sansa song after song.  

Now the pair quickly fell in step with the quick rhythm of the tune Olenna was playing.  They flowed across the room and Sansa found herself relying more than usual on Harry to help steady her, as a result of the wine.  

The tune was fast sending them spinning across the room.  She blocked out her worries and focused only on the music.  She was so consumed with happy notes, and the flow of her body that when she looked up at Harry the look in his eyes shocked her like ice cold water.  He looked at her tenderly with hope.  

The realization of how stupid she had been sobered her up on the spot and nearly brought her to a screeching halt.  Avoiding further damage she put space between herself and Harry wishing for the song to end, when it finally did she was quick to break away from him.

She made her way back to her husband afraid of looking at him, yet unable to resist as she sensed his energy commanding her to look.  When she did their was a darkness in his eyes that she could not decipher.

She went to him yearning to quell his suspicions, as she cursed herself for being so stupid.  She needed to be alone with him to explain, to hold him, to stop him from doubling the defenses he had built up against her. 

As she approached, Jon didn’t exactly pull away from her but shifted avoiding her.  Sansa tried to pretend she didn’t notice and took his hand interlacing their fingers, he didn’t protest but felt rigid.  

Margaery’s expression had changed back from frustrated to triumphant again.  Harry followed her at a distance embarrassed and Sansa suspected nervous.  

She announced that she was feeling tired and Jon bid everyone goodnight then the couple retired to their chambers hand in hand.  If they had problems the others in the house didn’t need to know.  

They made their way to the privacy of their room in total silence.  She wished he would say something, anything instead of this silence that pushed them further apart.  

Sansa wasn’t sure if Jon had always been a jealous man or if she had made him into one, but he was, and she knew it, yet she intentionally provoked him by flirting with Harry, at a time when their relationship was still fragile.  

They had just crossed the threshold of their room when Jon was already shaking his hand loose of hers and turning to leave.

But Sansa was not about to let him leave without hearing her out and positioned herself between him and the door determined to make him listen.

”Where are you going” she asked.

”To my room” he answered with a heavy sigh.  

It was so like him to shut her out, but she refused to let him this time.  “Your room or hers?” She snapped angrily.  Another sigh from Jon as he pinched the bridge of his nose and slumped his shoulders forward as if to say  _not this again._

His actions further infuriated Sansa’s foggy mind; she swung her palms at his chest shoving him backwards.   “You did this! This is all your fault!”

Jon shuffled in place looking at her incredulously.  And before she could stop herself, Sansa’s jumbled thoughts came tumbling out “I know you kissed her!”

Jon’s eyes went wide before he looked away ashamed, confirming her words were true.  She lunged at him angrily pounding her fists on his chest.  

Sansa thought she knew pain, but the agony that tore apart her chest in that moment was unlike anything she had ever endured.  Her heart broke doubly as she realized it was what she put Jon through.  

He grabbed her by the arms pulling her hard against him as he spoke “yes I kissed Margaery!  Do you want to know why!”  Tightening the grip around her arms.  “Because for once I wanted to be with someone whom wouldn’t recoil at my touch, because I wanted to feel lips kissing me back!”

Tears streamed down Sansa’s cheeks as she wriggled against him trying to break free of his grip so she could run away and not hear anymore.  But he kept her firmly in place as he continued “But I’m a fool, I would rather take your insults, than be with someone else!”

Sansa finally broke free from him, turning away sobbing loudly.  She wanted to tell him that if she shuddered at his touch it wasn’t from disgust, but quite the opposite.  She wanted to tell him that he had ignited a fire in her that burned fervently for him.  But before she could say anything the room started to spin and the contractions in her stomach made her scramble through the room looking for the chamber pot.  

She got to the chamber pot just in time to empty the meager contents of her stomach into it.  Her stomach was still convulsing when she felt Jon’s hand on her shoulder.  Humiliated she tried to get away, but the urge to wretch was stronger. Jon pulled the loose strands of hair away from her face and rubbed up and down her back without saying a word, just letting her know he was there.

Reluctant as she was, he helped her clean up and brought her a glass of water  in bed, then climbed in next to her.  There was still much to be said, but now was not the time and so he swallowed his anger and once again his pride for her, little did he know those actions said and meant more to her than anything he could of said.  


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to let those of you familiar with “Amor Real” know that from here on out this story will (for the most part) be going separate ways.

By the time Sansa woke up Jon was gone.  The curtains were tightly shut blocking out all sunlight and a pitcher of water sat next to an empty glass on the table by her side of the bed.  

Her head was throbbing as she tried to lift it, but the thirst she felt was worse.  She sat up and served herself some water from the pitcher, hands shaking.  She drank a sip, but stopped herself from having anymore as the few drops of water settling in her stomach threatened to come back up.  

Worse than the physical pain she was experiencing her moral hangover crushed her.  She cringed as she remembered herself giggling and flirting with Harry, the look of satisfaction on Margaery’s face, and then there was Jon.  

Jon’s confession came crashing down on her once again.  Harry had told the truth; he did kiss Margaery.  How could she go on knowing Jon had kissed Margaery.  She turned into her pillow and screamed; hoping to release some of the pain that consumed her.  

She didn’t want to think about it, but it was all she could do.  Forced to confront her situation she broke down the previous night and dissected it; every word, every movement, and every feeling.  

Margaery was the most irksome of her troubles with all her scheming.  Sansa thought of all the things she wanted to say to her but only ended up feeling more frustrated than ever.  She tried fruitlessly to convince herself that Margaery’s insignificant opinion didn’t matter, but it did, she wished so badly to prove to her that Jon was hers and had only made a mistake when he kissed her.

Harry drifted in and out of her thoughts; her biggest regret.  She had been so cruel to use him in an attempt to provoke Jon.  How would she ever get him to leave now that she had reignited his hope.  

Jon was really difficult to think about.  She had only had a taste of what she had put Jon through and it was agonizing.  How could he still want to be with her, she wondered.  

She spent hours feeling terribly sick and over analyzing the awful dinner before she finally fell asleep with exhaustion.  

Never again she promised herself as she woke up hours later feeling worse.  There was a soft knock on the door followed by Shea’s quiet voice “my lady?”  Sansa sat up in bed and replied “come in.”

Ashamed she avoided eye-contact, but Shea came to her side and without a word embraced Sansa in a tight hug.  Encapsulated by the safety of her gentle  arms, Sansa gave into her emotions and cried profusely into Shea’s chest.  She was so grateful to have her as a friend.  

At last finding some relief, Sansa forced herself out of bed and requested a bath. Shea stepped out momentarily to order the bath, and then came back in directly to the bed to change the sheets.   

While Shea fluffed pillows and tugged on sheets, Sansa sat at her vanity nursing a glass of water.  There was only one thing left on her mind, but for some reason she was afraid to ask.  

“Jon?” Was all she finally said in a grainy voice.  

Shea continued tidying the bed as she answered “he’s not back yet, he went into town this morning with lady Margaery.”

Sansa felt her stomach twist, feeling as though she would vomit again.  Her heart pounding in her chest.  

Shea took a breath debating whether to continue “she had her suitcases with her” she finished.  

Sansa gasped with shock.  At first she had felt satisfaction, but as usual the pessimist in her convinced her that somehow this was worse.  

A maid poked her head in from a side door and announced her bath was ready. Sansa’s head swirled with both the aftermath of the wine and all of the uncertainties that struggled within her.  

She would be glad if Margaery was gone but at the same time it felt so permanent, there was no going back now and Sansa discovered a sort of pity for the girl without a family or place in the world.  What if she had been too harsh. 

Jon was always going on about how he only cared for her in a brotherly way, would he resent her for making him choose, Sansa found herself very conflicted.  

She stayed in the bath long after she had finished washing herself, trying to make sense of her feelings.  When she emerged from her bath wrapped in a peach colored silk robe she found a tray of bread, cheese and some fruit waiting for her.  She broke off a piece of the small loaf and sat on the foot of her bed to eat it. 

The sounds told her it was late, past sunset; she could no longer hear the birds that sang during the day and the crickets were starting up their nightly chorus.  She was staring blankly at the wall as she slowly chewed on the salty bread, when she heard the horses nearing.  

Jon.  He was arriving.  Her heart skipped a beat.  Her instincts told her to get up and get dressed, but she could hardly feed herself much less get dressed in full attire, besides what was the point, he had already seen her at her worst.  

Jon went directly to their room and found her sitting on the foot of their bed, she seemed to have just gotten out of the bath, her hair still wet.

She looked up at him reluctantly finding it difficult to keep eye-contact when he looked at her so intensely.  

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

Sansa didn’t answer, just looked away.  

“Can we talk?” He asked standing before her. 

She stood up, tightening the strap around her robe and made her way to the set of chairs where they had spent so much time together while he recovered.

Jon followed her closely he couldn’t help but notice the robe she wore was knee length but with every sway of her hips it lifted, slightly revealing the back of her thighs.  He swallowed hard, finding the small patch of skin very enticing. He took his place in his large chair directly across from her, a small round table between them.  

Jon looked directly at her, while she kept her eyes on her hands.  “Have you ate” he asked her concerned as he looked her over carefully.  

Suddenly aware of her bare skin under the silk robe, Sansa felt a small surge between her legs that made her squeeze her thighs together.  “Yes I did.”

Jon’s stare eased up and he continued “I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I hurt you and dishonored our marriage and our home.  I regret that it happened and more so that I continued to disrespect you by allowing her to go on living here.”

Of all the things he could have said Sansa was not expecting that, she was shocked.  She was prepared for just about anything he might say but not that.  At a loss for words she reached for her glass of water on the table, as she stretched her arm out her soft robe just grazed her nipple, the sensation making it pebble at once.  It had to be the effect of having Jon all but devour her with his eyes.  

“At the time I thought it unfair to punish her for my weakness.” He continued. 

Of course, Jon would take all the blame.  Any sympathy she had felt for Margaery vanished in that moment; realizing that she was probably playing the victim to make Jon feel guilty.  

Sansa shifted hoping he wouldn’t notice her hardened nipples, all of her sensations beginning to pool in the pit of her stomach.  She stayed quiet out of fear of being found out.  

A silence lingered between them excpectantly.  Once again Jon spoke “I have asked Margaery to assist Dr. Lewin in the clinic.  I took her into town this morning and her grandmother leaves tomorrow.  The mistake was mine, and I don’t intend to break my promise to be there for her.  I hope you can understand that.”

Sansa’s anger flared up again as she took in the meaning of his words.  He would still have ties to her.  She looked deep into the eyes of the man that could have her wanting to kiss him one second and then wanting to hit him the next.  

This was not something she was going to settle for, but at the moment she felt satisfied having Margaery out of her house and away from her husband.  Presently what she really wanted was to know everything about that kiss.  

“When did it happen?”  She asked feeling like the only way to get over it was to know every little detail, leaving no trace of doubt from uncertainties and unsettled curiousity.  

Jon shifted uncomfortably before answering “the day you turned down my invitation to go shopping for the house.”

Sansa thought back to that day she remembered his sunken shoulders as he stalked out embarrassed.  She pressed on “where did it happen?”

The lord of Dragonstone seemed to shrink into his seat as he answered “outside of my study.”

Jon could not stand the scrutiny of her eyes, looking away as he added “I was drunk and stumbling, she was helping me from falling, and I kissed her.”

”you only kissed her?  Where were your hands?” Didn’t matter how much the answers hurt she had to know.

”I...I touched her breasts.”  He confessed reluctantly.

Sansa felt like she would choke on the knot in her throat.  It hurt to look at him; all wide eyes and rosy cheeks, the possessiveness she felt towards him making her uncomfortably hot, as she thought of ways she would erase all trace of Margaery from his mind.  

For now she had the information she wanted and so it was her turn to apologize.  

She let her arms drop from her chest where she forgot she had been concealing her breasts from him.  He seemed to notice but quickly looked away.  

”I’m sorry too.” Sansa let out quietly before releasing the tears that pooled in her eyes. 

In one swift move Jon was standing before her drawing her up by the elbows.  He wrapped his arms around her softly, his warm chest was more than Sansa could resist and she pressed her face against it, breathing him in as she wrapped her arms around his waist.  

There was so much that should be pushing them apart yet here they were holding each other tightly.  

Her crying was just starting to subside when there was a knock at the door.  Jon took a step back from her, as Shea opened the door wide.  

Sansa was more than a little annoyed by the interruption, until she heard it, the pitter patter of little paws against hardwood floor.  She turned towards the door to see two fur balls running in, swerving around Shea.  

She gasped with excitement, bouncing towards her were the two cutest puppies she had ever laid eyes on.  They were fluffy little Siberian Huskies: one had white and grey fur with blue eyes, the other was all white with red eyes; an albino.  Sansa immediately dropped to her knees and flung her arms open wide for the puppies to run into. 

The young Huskies leapt into her arms, licking at her face excitedly. She took turns pressing each puppy to her chest, kissing the top of their heads and running her hands up and down their thick fur coats.

With the puppies running circles wildly around her she looked up at Jon with a huge smile that lit up her face.  “They’re precious!” She said while using both hands to rub up and down the sides of the white and grey one.  

“And strays, just how you like them.” He answered her as he lowered himself down to the floor to pet the albino one, that happened to be tugging on the laces of his boots.   

Sansa looked at the puppy’s pleading eyes, her heart swelled with a mixture of pity and joy. Pity that the poor sweet things had endured any suffering out on the streets, joy knowing that she would give them the best life possible.  She could tell from the flowery smell and their clean fur they had been bathed, and no doubt feed.  

Jon watched Sansa as she sat on the floor still wearing nothing but her little robe.  Every silly jump and clumsy fall from the puppies had her laughing or melting into a puddle as she “awwed” every little thing they did.  

They both knew they had a conversation pending but it was such a happy moment that without a word they agreed to come back to it at a later time.  For now they would welcome these puppies into their home and enjoy the moment.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well played Jon!

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


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